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A panicker’s guide to the accred exam

1 December 2020 | December 2020

Drama queen guarantees blood-pressure surges

by Caroline Simpson

The accreditation exam for 2020 is over, but now’s a good time to start thinking about the next one in 2022. As a qualified drama queen, majoring in panic, I can help you find your way through to the exam room. I guarantee you maximum blood-pressure surges if you follow this comprehensive 25-step guide.

  1. Talk to someone who has already sat the exam. No — talk to someones. Learn from their collective wisdom. Hang on every gem that drops from their accredited mouths. What do they all say in common? You need to watch the clock carefully and stick to the time plan. Tick tock, tick tock.
  2. Decide that it’s been years since you sat an exam and frankly the whole idea is terrifying. Stall for time.
  3. In a mad moment, publicly declare you are going to sit the exam. Run screaming from the room and vigorously contradict anyone who says you said you would sit it — until they front with the video evidence. Curses!
  4. Hide in bed until the worst of the panic subsides.
  5. Decide you still have another 18 months before the exam, but it would be sensible to start studying early.
  6. Decide you still have another 12 months before the exam, but it would be sensible to start studying early.
  7. Decide you still have another 6 months before —
  8. Hide in bed till the worst of the panic subsides.
  9. Look at the early-bird booking dates on MemNet.
  10. Experience a global pandemic (optional) and hope this cancels the whole thing and you can get back to reading fluff and eating chocolates.
  11. Virtuously order a copy of a reference book online.
  12. Talk about a study schedule. A lot.
  13. Look at the Guide for candidates and sweat uncomfortably.
  14. Make a point of joining the Facebook IPEd study group. Download every file in the Dropbox folder.
  15. Attempt to write the study schedule. Where do you even begin?
  16. Sign up to a gazillion workshops because they are all there and they might help with content that is in the exam and it’s easier to have someone talk at you than read the reference books.
  17. Register! On the last early-bird fee day.
  18. Religiously follow all instructions on Elizabeth Manning Murphy’s website.
  19. Sweat again. There are so many reference books you don’t own. Consider ordering them online and calculate if they will get there in time to be of any use to you. No? Order them anyway.
  20. Study! Study! Work. Study! Study! Work. Study! Study! Work. Study!!!!
  21. Sleep.
  22. Study!!!!
  23. Finalise the 1500 pages of bound notes you are taking into your exam. Consider if they weigh more than the 7kg of permitted luggage you can take on with your ultra-cheap air ticket.
  24. Plan what you will take into the exam room: water bottle filled with water (and an empty one plus a Shewee — four hours is a long time), lots of sugary lollies to keep the manic energy-levels up, half your reference library. And your style manual. Oh my God, I almost forgot my style manual. Quick, go back, go back!
  25. You’re there. You’re in the room. Remember: tick tock, tick tock …

Caroline Simpson is a freelance editor and EdANZ Branch President, and can be contacted at edanz.president@iped-editors.org.